Focus beyond yourself to overcome obstacles
“In the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, it can be tempting to give up . . . at times like these, we’re advised to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. The message being to look inside ourselves for hidden reserves of confidence and know how. But it’s actually in turning outward to harness resources with and for others that we discover - and develop - our hidden potential” (Adam Grant, Hidden Potential, p. 131).
Learning to focus beyond ourselves when the odds are against us is one way to help overcome obstacles, grow and build resilience. When we approach obstacles or challenges interdependently, we gain competence and confidence to overcome them.
Learning to focus beyond ourselves when the odds are against us is one way to help overcome obstacles, grow and build resilience.
Adam provides examples in his book to support this concept. He references research in education where students created study groups instead of learning alone. What was discovered was that when resources were pooled, students gained more knowledge and they eventually learned that it wasn’t what they created alone that mattered, but what they built together that did. In medical schools, students learn as much when they are taught by other peers as by faculty. Teaching is a powerful method of learning. Psychologists call this the tutor effect. “You remember it better after you recall it - and you understand it better after you explain it” (Grant, p. 134).
Another method of focusing beyond oneself to overcome obstacles is through coaching. “Teaching others can build our competence, but coaching others elevates our confidence. When we encourage others to overcome obstacles, it can help us find our own motivation” (Grant, p. 137). “The coach effect captures how we can marshall motivation by offering the encouragement to others that we need for ourselves.” Numerous experiments were conducted with different groups that supported this “win-win” theory. Peer tutoring programs help a student learn while simultaneously building the confidence of the peer tutor. Internship programs help the intern gain knowledge while the supervisor gains confidence through the coaching process. By helping the intern move forward, the supervisor reflects on the knowledge they’ve acquired, realizes how far they’ve come and can in turn be motivated by this process.
Overcoming obstacles is easier when tied to people who matter to us. When others are counting on us, we find strength we didn’t know we had.
Overcoming obstacles is easier when tied to people who matter to us. When others are counting on us, we find strength we didn’t know we had. In comparing olympic divers who competed individually versus in synchronized events with a partner, the divers with a partner performed better on the exact same difficult dives than when they did them individually. Maya Angelou captures the essence of this in her words, “I do my best because I’m counting on you counting on me.”
It’s possible to go it alone. Yet, we can go further together!
Reflection: Is your tendency to “go it alone” or do you seek connection and support when faced with challenges and obstacles in your life?
Action: Identify an obstacle in your life that you haven’t been able to get around yet. Try using the fear setting tool and then reach out to someone you know who has been through or is going through something similar. Pool your resources in order to help yourself (and them) discover ways to move forward.
Tool: Fear-setting tool