From control to curiosity
Two weeks ago, I was out of the country when Hurricane Milton hit Florida, leaving my parents in assisted living without my support. The helplessness I felt was overwhelming. I couldn’t be there physically, and all my attempts to control the situation — making calls, checking in constantly, trying to "do something" — felt futile. I was out of control.
In moments like these, we often try to control the uncontrollable—situations, outcomes, and others. As a coach, I know the real power lies in staying calm and getting curious. I’d forgotten how important it is to pause, notice what’s going on, and get curious. It may seem counterintuitive, but curiosity is often the key to clarity and calm.
The Power of Curiosity
When we feel out of control, curiosity can act like a lifeline. It moves us from frantic energy, trying to manipulate things that are beyond our reach, into a mindset of exploration. Instead of asking, "How can I control this situation?" curiosity invites us to ask, "What can I let go of here?" It encourages us to release the need for control, to observe what’s unfolding, and to trust that in letting go, we make space for whatever comes next.
It’s a small shift, but it makes all the difference. Curiosity creates space for us to pause, reflect, and respond, rather than react. It gives us the freedom to release our need for control and embrace the unpredictability of life.
Curiosity creates space for us to pause, reflect, and respond, rather than react. It gives us the freedom to release our need for control and embrace the unpredictability of life.
Hurricane’s in life
Life often comes with the pressure to control everything—our responsibilities, relationships, and the many roles we take on. We try to manage it all, thinking every detail needs to be figured out and every plan in place. But when life throws us curve balls—whether it’s an unexpected crisis or a series of small, unplanned moments—we can quickly feel like we’ve lost control. And that’s where the magic of curiosity comes in.
Curiosity allows us to take a breath, step back, and ask questions like: Why am I feeling this way? What’s going on here? What do I need to understand about this situation? How can I approach this differently?
When life feels chaotic, shifting from control to curiosity doesn’t mean giving up—it means embracing the unknown with a sense of wonder and discovery. In the midst of uncertainty, you’re not powerless. In fact, you’re more powerful than you realize when you approach life with an open mind and an inquisitive heart.
In the midst of uncertainty, you’re not powerless. In fact, you’re more powerful than you realize when you approach life with an open mind and an inquisitive heart.
If your natural tendency is to fix or control and you find yourself in a crisis or unexpected situation, remember: instead of reacting by trying to control everything, pause, take a deep breath, and get curious. Embrace the uncertainty and allow things to unfold. You might find that the answers come not through control, but by letting go, staying curious, and choosing to respond rather than simply react.
Reflection: Is there something in your life right now that you're trying to control, rather than allowing it to unfold? What might this situation be inviting you to notice or explore? What could curiosity reveal that you haven’t seen yet?
Action Step: This week, choose one area of your life where you tend to exert control and approach it with curiosity. Set aside 5 or 10 minutes each day to reflect and notice what’s really driving your need to control the situation. Use the "5 Whys" tool to explore the deeper layers, and instead of jumping into fix-it mode, see what new insights and understanding emerge.
Tool: “5 Whys” Tool