Demons on the boat
Imagine that you were thinking about leaving a job that wasn’t satisfying any more. You start to make plans to take time off to figure out what you’d like to do next. Perhaps you want to leave because the culture and environment is toxic; maybe you aren’t challenged or maybe you’re getting ready to retire. Whatever the reason, you’re ready to take the leap to make a change and suddenly your “inner demons” show up.
In Russ Harris’ book, The Happiness Trap, he introduces Demons on the Boat in Chapter 9. He asks the reader to envision steering a ship far out at sea. Below deck, nowhere in sight, lie a group of demons, all with sharp claws and teeth. They’ve made a deal that as long as you drift aimlessly at sea, they’ll stay below deck and won’t bother you. The minute you start heading to shore, they rush up on deck threatening you and showing their claws and teeth and letting you know they’ll rip you to shreds unless you turn back to sea (Harris, p. 76).
The demons represent our thoughts, feelings, memories, urges and sensations. They will keep showing up again and again as soon as you start making plans to change or decide you want to take your life in a valued direction. If you recall from one of my previous blog posts, our minds are programmed for survival and designed to look out for anything that could cause harm. As soon as you choose to pursue that new career or start a new relationship or make some new friends or engage in a challenging project; whatever meaningful changes you start to make in your life, your demons will rear their ugly heads and try to discourage you.
The demons represent our thoughts, feelings, memories, urges and sensations. They will keep showing up again and again as soon as you start making plans to change or decide you want to take your life in a valued direction.
The good news is that if you keep steering your ship to shore no matter how much noise the demons make, you’ll eventually realize that their threats can’t hurt you and although they may not go away completely, you will be ok and can go forward with making meaningful changes. My work as a coach is to help clients bring awareness to their limiting beliefs (a/k/a demons on the boat) and to help them tune into the signals their body gives them so they can act in ways that will help them move forward and make purposeful changes. If you’d like some help identifying the “demons on your boat,” contact me for a 30-minute free consultation.
Reflection: What changes would you like to make in your life? Ask yourself: How would I act differently if painful thoughts and feelings were no longer an obstacle? What projects or activities would you start (or continue) if your time and energy weren’t consumed with difficult emotions? What would I do if fear were no longer an issue? What would I attempt if thoughts of failure didn’t distract me?
Action: 1. Take 10-15 minutes to think about the questions in the reflection above. Even better if you write down the answers for future reference. 2. Watch Russ Harris’ Monsters on a boat video to get a better understanding of this concept:
Tools: “Don’t Drop the Pen” - in order to help you “experience” that your thoughts and actions do not have to be connected, try the following: 1. Get a pen; 2. Hold the pen in one hand and drop it into your other hand while saying “don’t drop the pen.” Do this over and over for at least 30 seconds. This is a simple way to demonstrate to your thinking self or “advisor” that you don’t always have to listen to what it says.