The Struggle Switch
Do you struggle with difficult thoughts or feelings? Do you want to get rid of them, push them away or avoid them at all costs? You might be in a vicious cycle that Russ Harris refers to in his book, The Happiness Trap, as the “struggle switch.”
Let’s say your struggle switch is ON and you experience episodes of overwhelming fear (a/k/a panic attacks). During an attack, this intense feeling of doom, associated with distressing sensations of chest pain, thumping heart, dizziness, tingling hands and feet, breathlessness and trembling occur. Then you have a thought that says “I have to stop feeling anxious and I have to get rid of this anxiety now!” As your anxiety grows, you start to feel angry and may tell yourself that you are stupid and shouldn’t feel this way. Then you get sad and start thinking about how you hate your life and wonder if you are always going to feel like this. Next, you move onto guilt because your life is so much better than lots of other people in this world.
Because your struggle switch is ON, your emotions get amplified as you get caught up in this vicious circle of emotions. Harris likens this to one of the old cowboy movies where the bad guy falls into quicksand and the more he struggles, the faster it sucks him under. Struggling is the worst thing you can do. If you stay calm, lie on your back and surrender, you float to the surface. This is not easy to do because every instinct in your body tells you to struggle; but the more you struggle, the worse the situation becomes.
Because your struggle switch is ON, your emotions get amplified as you get caught up in this vicious circle of emotions. Harris likens this to one of the old cowboy movies where the bad guy falls into quicksand and the more he struggles, the faster it sucks him under. Struggling is the worst thing you can do.
The same principle applies to difficult feelings: the more we struggle with them, the more trouble we create for ourselves. Trying to fight with your thoughts and feelings is a little bit like quicksand. The more we try to get rid of them, push them away or avoid them at all costs, the more the emotions remain unpleasant, unhelpful, and drain our energy.
Now, let’s imagine that your struggle switch is OFF. No matter what emotion arises, no matter how unpleasant, don’t struggle with it. Let your anxiety show up and know that it’s not a problem. “Sure, it’s unpleasant and we don’t like it, but it’s nothing terrible. With the struggle switch OFF, your anxiety levels are free to rise and fall as the situation dictates. Sometimes they’ll be high, sometimes low, and sometimes there will be no anxiety at all. But more importantly, we’re not wasting our time and energy struggling with it” (Harris, p. 87).
Without struggle, we can get to a place where physical and emotional discomfort is recognized and accepted. In ACT, it is referred to as “clean discomfort.” There is no avoiding “clean discomfort.” Life will serve everyone its share one way or another, but once we start struggling with it, our discomfort levels increase greatly. All that additional suffering is what is referred to as “dirty discomfort” and the vicious cycle described above plays out.
With our struggle switch ON, we aren’t willing to accept the uncomfortable feelings which means we get distressed by them and also do whatever we can to avoid them. We may avoid by binge watching TV, overeating, excessive drinking, etc. These strategies often create secondary problems and the painful feelings associated with those fall under the category of “dirty discomfort.”
With our struggle switch ON, we aren’t willing to accept the uncomfortable feelings which means we get distressed by them and also do whatever we can to avoid them. We may avoid by binge watching TV, overeating, excessive drinking, etc. These strategies often create secondary problems and the painful feelings associated with those fall under the category of “dirty discomfort.”
So, you may be thinking “this is all interesting and sounds great, but how can I stop struggling with difficult feelings when they feel so bad?” We’ve touched upon expansion a little in the October Blog (Where do you shine your spotlight?) and we’ll continue to explore it more in the future. But, before diving deeper into expansion, I want to spend more time next month with the struggle switch and how it is developed. In the meantime, keep in mind:
With the struggle switch OFF:
Our emotions are free to move.
We don’t waste time and energy fighting or avoiding them.
We don’t generate all that “dirty discomfort.”
With the struggle switch ON:
Our emotions are stuck.
We waste a huge amount of time and energy struggling with them.
We create a lot of painful and unhelpful “dirty discomfort.”
Reflection: What are the most common thoughts you experience when your struggle switch is ON? What type of things do you AVOID so you don’t experience “clean discomfort?” What type of things do you DO to avoid difficult feelings and thoughts?
Action: Watch Russ Harris’ The Struggle Switch
Tool: Wheel of Life Use the Wheel of Life to help you identify areas you want to focus more energy to bring about vitality and meaning in your life.